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Man oh man, I am so pissed right now. Let me explain. I always make enough food at dinner for my hubby to take leftovers in his lunch AND so that I can too if I want. Okay, so what is the problem then right. Well........ my husband and a friend at work swap out their leftovers sometimes. That is no problem except now my husband takes a boatload of extra food to work EVERY day just to swap and leaves me nothing. I mean is that just thoughtless and selfish or what?
We have literally argued over this and it is very frustrating. He accuses me of "not wanting HIM to have any lunch." However, I see it as I do not care what he takes for lunch for HIMSELF but when he takes MY lunch to work and gives it away it really pisses me off. This means at MY lunch I have to make a whole new meal. I have told him that sharing at work is great but NOT when he is taking food away that I would definitely eat and he just gives it away. My God, if he insists on eating what his co-worker brings in then maybe he could go to THEIR house and eat dinner.
Here is an example or two that just happened. Last night I was making salad to go with our meal. Hubby and I both adore green olives on top of our salads. I had just bought a HUGE jar not more than a week ago. They were a bit tart and I said that to my husband. So..........last night I am in the fridge searching all over for the olives and he says, "we must be out". I tell him we cannot be because I just bought some. He said, "Oh those olives. Well you mentioned they were a bit tart so I took them to work." I almost blew up. This happens over and over and I never know what we have or do not when I shop for groceries.
Then, this morning I had 3 pieces of corn on the cob laid out to prepare tonight with a meatloaf I plan to make. There were also two LARGE containers of leftover mexican casserole I had made last night. Honestly each container had way more than enough to feed two men. But, right after hubby leaves for work I notice that the corn and BOTH dishes of casserole are GONE! So I call his cell and sure enough he has done it again. He had it all with him on his way to work. I am FURIOUS. This has been an ongoing situation for about 3 years and I am fed up!
Why doesn't he get it? Does he not realize or care that I would like to eat too?
Advice from anyone would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!
June 25, 2008
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47 comments:
It could just be that he loves your cooking and is pleased to share it with his co-workers.
I do see the thoughtless part but I've learned over the years that what appears to be unkind or selfish is just the true meaning of thoughtless - they just didn't think - as men are prone to do (or not do!) ;)
I would put my lunch in a bag and mark it - just for a bit until he gets retrained.
If he take the marked bag then I'd stop feeding him.
Guys are thoughtless somtimes, but after reading everything it seems like he just doesn't care.
You've told him you want lunch as well, but he doesn't leave it for you? I really can't give much advice if you've told him and he continues to do it.
It seems like it's one of those irritating arguments you'll never win, Dari.
Dianne, I thought about it being a compliment to my cooking and we even talked about that. But sometimes it is so frustrating.
Marking the bag is a GREAT idea, think I will try that one.
Paul, thank you, I feel the same way. I have tried about everything I can think of.
Jean-Luc, you are right my friend. I haven't won this one in 5 years not sure why I think I can now, lol.
i agrre with dianne. try putting some aside for yourself in a bag or tupperware style container and labeling it with your name. i used to have to stick my portion of the leftovers in the freezer so he didn't take that too.
i thought it was only little boys that took their lunch to school to swap
Id be mad too
for me it would be more about being unable to afford for my man to do this
what about hiding your stuff?
jen
he's like most of us men he want to show off and you can eather feel glad that he wants to show off you work or you can choose to save money and point that out to him,just say hay when do I get to try some of the stuff they give you?how about you bring some home for me baby ,then remind him it is a two way street they want they give .Food ain't cheep no more.Diesel.
Go check out a book called "Crucial Conversations", you'll love it.
The upside is that it will help you establish safety, mutual purpose and discuss the situation.
The downside is that the two of you are already at the deep end of the pool on this one. You have progress through "cpr" where
C=content - discussing the actual issue (taking your leftovers)
P=pattern - more than just one instance, repeated after discussion
R=relationships - the relationship is threatened at this point.
I hope this helps. The book is in paperback and worth every penny. You can also check them out at www.vitalsmarts.com (i think, or google the book title).
Good luck, Dari:)
Maybe he is little bit selfish but there are strong reason to be like that I guess.
Oh honey, no advice here. My husband is much like this. We argue over food all the time. He is just so excessive and wasteful - we were just raised differently..I don't know what to do about it either. I will be marking containers from now on though.
This is really an idea, which will be a revolution for the future!
I have taken to hiding food, I don't want him to eat. LOL.
It must be so frustrating for you.
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Yeah, definitely sounds like an argument you just can't win...
They were a bit tart and I said that to my husband. So..........last night I am in the fridge searching all over for the olives and he says, "we must be out". I tell him we cannot be because I just bought some. He said, "Oh those olives. Well you mentioned they were a bit tart so I took them to work." I almost blew up. This happens over and over and I never know what we have or do not when I shop for groceries.
Good advice, I think splitting up the food right after dinner might help. And put your name on your food.
I think his co workers praises him a lot with the food that he brings. And then he brags about his wife's delicious cooking. Maybe you should separate everything in a different container. So that he knows what he can bring and what he can't...
lol! great stuff for a sitcom. sorry, but I have to laugh about it:D I am sure you´ll find a good solution soon!
Almost every man in some extend act like your hubby in their life.
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Maybe he needs tough love. Perhaps there will be no leftovers to take to work for a few weeks so that he realizes what YOU are missing when he takes your lunch.
I don't think divorce court is the answer but it is these little inconsiderate things that get you most!
I personally hide mine...but it's not just from hubbie it's from the kids too! Cuz they'll eat my lunch in the middle of the night & then I'll be surprised in the morning as I head out the door, lunchless! grrrr
these issues always come down to communication. and not just what you say, but how you say it.
now, YOU say that you are furious about this situation (and from the stories i read this seems a justified reaction), but does he really know this? because, just as the point was raised earlier in one of the other comments up there, men are often "thought-less" in as much that they don't realize that the other person is truly angry, and on the other hand women tend to keep their feelings downplayed (contrary to what you often hear..in my opinion...) so that can be a lethal combination when trying to communicate just HOW frustrated you are to your male partner.
so, if the above ideas don't satisfy, i would just try REALLY strong direct communication about the subject and if he still goes on taking all the food....well....
good luck.
I would put my lunch in a bag and mark it - just for a bit until he gets retrained.
Maybe he needs tough love. Perhaps there will be no leftovers to take to work for a few weeks so that he realizes what YOU are missing when he takes your lunch.
Maybe he needs tough love. Perhaps there will be no leftovers to take to work for a few weeks so that he realizes what YOU are missing when he takes your lunch.
if the above ideas don't satisfy, i would just try REALLY strong direct communication about the subject and if he still goes on taking all the food....well....
Its very interesting blog.
I have read it many times.
don't get angry..there may be possibility that he want to tell everybody at work about your good cooking...he may want to know from others how their wives cook and what does you cook is more tasty or not.. Also there may be anybody who isn't able to get food for him and he shares food with him.. So investigate before you leap into taking a hard decision..
Good blog, i read this blog
I've had problems with my husband in the past and when I treat him the way he treats me things start to change.
He used to come home late for dinner. He would show up with a bunch of his buddies and I'd have been keeping dinner warm for him. It didn't seem to bother him that I was waiting. So I decided to go ahead and eat and put everything in the refrigerator and then leave. I would go somewhere and enjoy myself. Then by the time I came home he was forced to find the food in the refrigerator and heat it up himself. The first time he said anything to me about it I just said that I had eaten and didn't know when he would come home so I put things away. He never said another word about it. He still comes in late but I don't wait for him. If I'm hungry I eat.
In your case I would be ready to just stop off and buy myself some dinner someplace and enjoy a nice hot meal. Then I'd go home and let him cook what ever he wants. If he still wants to cook enough food for all his buddies I'd let my husband buy the food from his check and cook it himself. That should put a stop to this. If he has to do all the work of cooking it and paying for it he might think twice. The main thing for you to do is act like your too busy and don't yell or fight. Go someplace else and let him worry about it. Things will change if you change what you've always done. If you continue to do what you've done in the past things will stay the same. Just remember to not get mad or fight with him.
Invent something to do outside the house. Visit a very sick friend, join a club, or something. Take a class, learn to paint, or take up an exercise class. Do something besides cooking the meal every night. Change is hard but it will work. CHANGE. You change, not him. You can't force him to change. I guarantee he will get hungry enough and he will see how much money he is spending when he has to do it all.
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i just saw a link at topmomma.com, and have read this post you have.
it's been almost nine months since your post, i hope this has been resolved by now. :)
but if isn't yet... well, i think, after discussing the matter with your husband and he still does it, then there's a serious problem there. but this i believe can be resolved in time. have a heart to heart talk with him and make sure that you help him understand where you are coming from. just tell him that he's supposed to prioritize you over his co-workers, you are the wife after all! :)
good luck! :)
Well its not selfish in my opinion. Its just natural. Its just that he feels at home. That's it in my opinion. But you should talk to him about it even if you have to do it more than once.
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Your husband is just like mine! i don't take leftovers to work but sometimes I want to make two meals out of dinner - and he always just takes it to work.
I now just put everything in individual containers and label them. If he's going to take my food to work, it's going to be labeled with my name! LOL!
Men!
I have taken to hiding food i agree with u
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Maybe he is little bit selfish.I think both of you take some time to understand each other.
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No,i don't think he is selfish...Every marriage needs some time for setal.in my idea you should gave him some time.
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I don't think so,that your hubby is selfish.its all over a part of married life.i advice you that gave some time to your hubby for understand your felling,your are right in your side.but it is possible that your hubby have some problem in his official life or any other problem.you should need to talk with your hubby and discussed all the topic.
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Put your portion in a container and hide it behind the milk!
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